More Kindness, Less Judgment

“When you judge others, you do not define THEM; you define YOURSELF.”


This has been weighing heavily on my heart recently, and per usual, it has caused me to start writing. I don’t personally know what storm you may be going through right now, but perhaps you can find peace in knowing that others are feeling it too. And that all-in-all, judging is NEVER the answer. Point blank. End of story.


I am going to speak from personal experience right now, because I’m aware of how much of my life I spent judging other people. Feeling a deep rooted desire to control all of the variables around me and acting as though I had the power to decide. Girlllll let me tell you how wrong I was! 


There are not enough words in the English language to fully express the regret and heartbreak that I feel looking back. Sometimes I just can not believe the things that came out of my own mouth, or the thoughts that went through my own mind. It’s embarrassing to be honest. (and sometimes it was even directed at those closest to me) For that, I am sorry. So so sorry.


I know that a lot of the time, when we end up “judging others”, it is coming from a good place. Maybe we’re trying to help and express our concerns, but it’s so easy for things to be taken out of context, or approached inappropriately. Causing strife, and anger, and above all–HURT.


When I say these things, I am in no way being accusatory or trying to hurt feelings. If anything, it’s the exact opposite. For years, I was that person who attacked with my words and came across harsh and unapproachable. Eventually resulting in my own siblings rejecting conversation with me, and pushing me out because of my firm opinionated ways. Even if deep down, I THOUGHT I was helping, all I was doing was hurting. I own up to that now, and we have mended our relationships–making us 4 stronger than ever before. Acceptance and apologies go such a long way, my friend.


Finally I came to realize that no matter what, OTHER PEOPLE MATTER TOO. We were not all born with the same views, ideas, or mentalities. That is the beauty of this world. Each of us are so unique and original in our very own ways. Even those who were raised by the same people, in the same household, with the same life lessons–we are still SO DIFFERENT! That’s just how it goes. Welcome to this beautiful, eclectic, and imperfect life! Take a look around, perhaps you can learn a thing or two from someone new.


Truthfully, no one gets to tell you who to be in this world. (even if they think they can) I’m sure a time or two, we’ve all felt that disgusting feeling of being judged before. So why would we ever wish that upon someone else? I think that the best thing we can take from this, is learning how to LOVE. Love each other because of their differences. We can not please everyone, and not everyone is ever going to please us. So why are we wasting our damn lives, judging and harassing people for simply wanting something different!? Who gave US the power to do that? Nobody. 


Even if we think we know the full story, we never do. We’ve never walked an inch in their shoes, let alone an entire freaking mile. So let’s decide to leave our high and mighty attitudes at the door, and consider within ourselves, how we can HELP someone else. The blunt truth is that no matter what efforts we put forth to change someone else’s mind about their life, it’s not our place to do so. When we were born, we were each handed a (metaphorical) pen, and told to write our story. In any way, shape, or form that our hearts desire. And bottom line, no one else has the power to edit your story, just in the way that you can’t edit theirs.


No one other the than good Lord above, gets to decide who is or isn’t worthy. So I suggest we all start focusing on how we can understand those around us, and stop forcing our unwanted opinions on them. The Bible says this: “DO NOT JUDGE, AND YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED. DO NOT CONDEMN, AND YOU WILL NOT BE CONDEMNED. FORGIVE, AND YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN.” Luke 6:37


I’ll be straightforward with you…this topic makes me very emotional, and I’m really choked up right now just writing this out. Knowing within my soul, how freeing it is to let go of control, and instead empower others to do the same. Your heart will be so much happier, and only then, will your life truly begin. 


Until next time,

Stay forgiving, darling!


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